Actual Quotes Overheard

  • These are actual quotes from the American Shopper in Hardware Stores and Home Improvement Centers. I have been working retail for 42 years and in the last 25 years I have been keeping track of the unusual things people say. These come from all walks of life from men, women, teenagers and children. These quotes are not to reflect against anyone because we are all guilty of the same thing or similar. See if you can find yourself in some of these quotes. Hope you enjoy these experiences.

  • This page will change periodically.

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     Can I help you? "No we are both retarded and we can't make a decision here."

    Little old lady on the phone," I need a gun case big enough to put 30 guns in it."

    Man on the phone, "My power 22 shot concrete nailer is not working very well. I have the one you use with a hammer to make it fire, you know. When the hammer would not make it fire anymore I started using a sledgehammer and that did not do it either. Can I bring it back to and you exchange it for another one."

    College students, "We need 300 feet of nylon rope. We are going to tie all the doors together in our dorm so the other students can not get out of their rooms "

    "I want to buy one of these appliance dollies. I don't want the one in the front. The wheels are dirty. Give me the one in the back with clean wheels." Do you want me to put it on a cart for you? "No, I will just put it up to the check out."

    "I want this same wood screw only a little bigger"

    Man looking at a jig saw "This Jig saw is a better than the one I got at home it's a 12 volt." Wife, " yes it is a better one then you got at home. Yours at home does not have any volts at all. You burned it up, it's dead."

    Can I help you? "I need this chain cut. I am buying this chain for my wife. I bought some chain for my dog and got him under control."

    "I got a dog that went to jail last night and I need a heavy chain to tie him up so he won't go to jail again."

    "You have to hold that up closer so I can see it. I got me some new contacts. Getting drunk is better then getting new contacts."

    "I need a new bag for these new nuts and bolts. I wrote the numbers and description down on this bag for the other ones and I changed my mind. I need another bag for these because I am a perfectionist and I don't mark out anything."

     "I want two door locks that are keyed alike." Here you are. All five of the locks in this box are keyed alike. "You mean if I buy just two of these locks the ones left have the same key that I do"? Yes but the chances are a million to one someone buying one of these locks could get into your house. "Well that is the reason we are changing these locks is on account of her brother. We want to keep him out. And you don't know my brother-in-law. He is just smart enough to buy one of these locks and get into the house."

    Can I help you? "No I don't need any help. I don't know what I want and I can find it myself".

    "I need some horse saws" ------- saw horses